Pains of An Emotional Creature

A painful remembrance

Breath quickens and the heart follows suit. The familiar heat sears through the layers of skin through your pores and engulfs you in a tight embrace. The eyes twitch and before you know, salty warm droplets cascade down your cheeks and pools around your neck. The ghost – so cold, it tries to slice mercilessly at your soul trying to leave a scar but at alas, it is nothing more than just a memory. 

And, just when it starts to feel like it is beyond human forbearance, the pain dissipated, like fog off some terrible lake. Mustering up the very last shred of your dignity, you wiped down those tears, put on the biggest and warmest smile you could muster and face the world with boldness, kindness and with quiet indifference to the pains you have endured.

A loss

The chest tightened and your breaths become ragged like a forsaken man riddled with sickness. Your shaky shallow breath echoes through the dark alleys of loneliness that you pass, bouncing off the walls and onto your worn and tattered soul. You feel the hollowness within. You know it is irreparable; like a veil torn into two, like precious porcelain crushed, or even a rose trampled underfoot. 

And, just when you feel like giving up, you remember what your purpose is and why you are alive each and every single day. Just as the sun rises and a new day is born, so shall your soul rise each day and be renewed. Each night as you sleep, the stars and their constellations watch over you with their ever-watchful eyes as you sleep soundly under the motherly gaze of the heavens. You are not alone. 

A loved one who is hurt or sad

You give the bravest of front, controlling every tear threatening to fall. You feel the pain in the same areas that they feel it, you feel the condemnation, betrayal, loss, or failure that they faced as though you have faced them yourself. You have no comprehension why you feel the way you, you just do, and every fibre of your being wants to reach out to the intangible wound that you cannot see yet feel so intensively that you could almost map it out like the back of your hands and heal it if it is possible. You listen to every word, and to every scene of their painful narration, paying heed to the stresses of the syllables and vowels to gauge their pain as though they are your very own. 

And, then you offer companionship and understanding so that they do not feel like they are alone. That they are understood and heard. Just like how all our faces are all different so are our needs. You want to meet these needs so that they will eventually cease to be this distress and upset. 

A betrayal 

Your chin vibrated. “What have I done to deserve this?” you said as you clenched interwoven fingers, but they could not answer. There was no need for words, for words has become unnecessary at this point. You have given so much, painstakingly compromised for the sake of everything that was built but it was all in vain. It does not matter the years that went in nor the unwavering kindness, love, support, and dedication that you have given. They have chosen their paths and all you could do is forgive and bless them and live peacefully with love in your heart. 

Yes, even after having your trust and heart completely broken by those whom you thought cared and loved you, the only thing that remains inside of you is love. That is the boon of an emotional creature. Love is the very thorn in your flesh and yet it is what keeps you very much alive. An oxymoronic joke that the Maker has played on you when you were created but alas, you have accepted your fate and shall live all the days of your life with this beautiful burden. 

“One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love!”- Sophocles

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