Now, do not be afraid. This is a completely safe and cosy zone.
Grab a pillow or coffee and maybe you could learn something today or even add on to your already existential knowledge of this subject! Trauma mapping is something that I have accidentally chanced upon as I was trying to find an effective way to deal and heal trauma(s) by myself and for myself. After using it on myself and even walking through the steps and concept of this to those close to me that have experienced severe trauma(s) , many have regained some autonomy of their lives and this is why I believe it should be shared. Additionally, you do not need to have undergone severe trauma(s) to use this concept. If you have been terribly hurt,grieving over a lost or a breakup, or have experienced some form of negativity regardless if it is subconscious or conscious to you, it is still a good method to deal with it effectively.
To give you an idea , trauma mapping is about being present with your feelings and emotions. It is so that you can rewire your brain on how you may review those memories by topographically locating them in your memories and then link your present trauma(s) to its source(s) . While doing so you can choose to or (not to) change how you may feel about it or even view it. I will walk you through the steps with my own personal trauma topographical point (just one) so as to elaborate effectively. Hug that pillow tighter, because it is going to get real and personal.
To give you an idea, before I expose my trauma map to you guys ( I can do so now because I have effectively dealt with it) , this is a foundational map of the nervous system. I am showing you this due to a concept known as the polyvagal theory. Before,dealing and healing from trauma , I was in this state of numbness, emotional withdrawal and tend to dissociate alot as though I was in two parallel universe(s) at the same time. I later came to know it was a form of escapism and it was a defense mechanism to make reality an illusion to me. It is one of the reasons, why while I was growing up , most called me a day-dreamer. I tend to day-dream or even form new storylines in my head about fictional characters that I conjure up from different timezones and submerged myself fully in those daydreams for hours. I will write those out someday either on wattpad or a book. One of my closest friends have read the draft(s) and she has somewhat compelled me to consider publishing them some day. As an adult, I would totally freeze up and just withdraw completely which led me to faint alot when I panic or get too scared. I have lost count on the number of times I have fainted as an adult vs none at all as a child.
The root of the Polyvagal Theory is the recognition that in the absence of the ability to fight or flee, the body’s only effective defense is to immobilize and shut down. This can be observed as fainting or nausea, both features of an ancient vagal circuit that reptiles use for defense.Stephen Porges, Ph.D., Behavioral neuroscience
Now, to not digress any further, let’s go! This is my personal trauma mapping for one trauma incident concerning rejection. I have other trauma(s) that I had to deal with but for conciseness, I will delve just into this one. It is recommended to do this while experiencing intense emotions especially when you are feeling that particular emotion (e.g. hurt, jealously, pain , rejection etc.)
1.How do I feel? This is your opportunity to bring the feelings to your conscious awareness and name what is occurring within you.
2.When did I last experience this exact same feeling? Without looking for the answer, allow your being to offer up the answer, like a stream washing something downstream to you
3. When did I first experience this same feeling in my life? Again, without looking for the answer, allow your being to offer up the answer, like a stream washing something downstream to you.Quoted directly from Source: https://tealswan.com/resources/articles/the-emotional-body/
My Trauma Mapping: (Take deep breaths continously before doing this ❤️)
1. I felt neglected , almost betrayed. Rejected is the word that sums it up. I feel torn up inside. My chest hurts, my heart feels tightened. Feels like stabbed wounds. (Do not be afraid to feel such intense emotions or discomfort)
2. The last time, was last year at the end of june. I had an extremely severe panic attack and felt such utter brokeness, I did not eat for days. I was always trembling 24/7 for at least a week.
3. When I was 15, I had a best friend called P . He was like my kindred spirit and we were strictly friends, more like siblings to be honest.I loved him so much. He was like the younger brother, I could only dream of. Sweet, kind,crazy and funny. He would come over to my place after school and we would play pillow fights, football, kick mud at me and talk deep heartfelt philosophy that only 15 years olds could come up with it. At 15 we were both the same height and he would teased that one day, he would outgrow me and maybe run faster than me. Yeah, at 15 he was my world. He had a nasty infection but we could not be apart from each other and we would both have the same infection eventually and I could not even be mad about it! We both missed each other when we were sick and absent from class and were not shy to admit it.
One day, through a mutual friend’s involvement , there was a misunderstanding, where he completely lost it at me and I think that was the first time I actually felt cold fear. That was the end. I was alone, completely alone. Alone in class because he was my buddy, we stop playing together after school, we did not eat together etc. (you get the gist) . That incident has shaped how I have dealt with all other relationship(s) with people thereafter – completely and utterly detached to the point that if someone on any day were to tell me “I am leaving”, my only response would be “farewell, and have a great life” and I would mean that sincerely.
He later apologised 10 years later to me (at 25 years old) after he reached out through social media and he wanted to meet me but I just could not do it. I accepted his apologises but I was a changed person. So anytime in life when I felt rejected, hurt, or misunderstood, I would feel that same cold frenzied fear and to avoid being rejected, hurt or misunderstood, I chose to not show my emotions and be aloof about it but it has not been healthy to suppressed memories and trauma(s) like that. Hence, at 25 years old, I chose to let it all out and grief the loss of that friendship because I did not allow the child-me to grief or mourn a great loss.
To heal, you could envisioned something you could do to help the child-you at that time. I chose to envisioned the adult-me (now) , hugging and rubbing the back of my child-me saying that she is not alone and that I ( adult-me) am there for her (child-me). Almost, immediately, I felt the pressure in my chest and the familar squeezing of my heart which has became something so normal for me these past decade ,to cease. I could actually breathe lightly after all these 10 years.
All, I am saying that in order to deal with trauma you need to be one with your emotions regardless of how uncomfortable it may seem. It is for the sake of yourself and even those around you that are there right now in your life. Detangle yourself from the snares of trauma(s), engage your emotions and feel freely and deeply. Heal from within, my lovely readers ❤️
This is me now :
Yeah , it is good to be me ❤️