I would say that I am more independent now than I ever have been. Thinking and making decisions for myself is the hallmark of adulthood. It is when there is no longer a person of safety between me and the unknown. I pretty much know or are as experienced as much as my own folks who used to look out for me , be it my mother, and/or older friends. I think there comes a point of time when you need to be an individual apart from always remaining in a dependent position .I really should be more optimistic about being able to take care of them , and not only just them looking out for me.
I am trying to improve my outward projection onto life, by taking necessary risks that are of course, not naive but nevertheless, deliberate and difficult so as to improve my current circumstances . One thing I have realised is that sometimes we need to find meaning in our suffering. Life is not easy, let’s us all just be honest, and we have our own struggles . I think that being able to see meaning, or an outcome at the end of the suffering helps us to push forward , bite the towel and carry on our quest for a life worth living. This is why I find depression undeniably cruel. It is basically meaningless suffering. You are suffering for no outcome and there is nothing at the end of the suffering waiting for you . It does not even have an end to be honest ,unless one makes minute steps to address it and improve a bit each day through a series of self care ( both mental and phyically) regularly.
“You might be winning but you’re not growing and growing might be the most important form of winning.”– Jordan Peterson, clinical psychologist
This year 2020, has been the most productive year of my entire existence. It may not be most successful year but if I were to consider productivity as a measure of success, then yes 2020 is the most successful year that I have ever lived through. Amusingly, the most productive year ended up being the year of the pandemic and when things are just no longer the same. This is a good example for me to learn that despite the external environment, as long as you are focus, driven and have a vision, step by step regardless if they are small or big , you can see them through.
I am conscientious by nature, though right now, I am currently facing a burnout . I am trying to find a greater sense of fulfillment or even to just plainly go through what I need to do with sheer grit and determination. This is where the tough part comes in. I need to work on being tougher, durable to say the least. Being smart is from reading, listeing and through undergoing much and/or various experiences. I think anyone can be smart if they choose to pursue a path towards an excellence of mind, one of which I am thoroughly for.
I would say that human nature is fragile. Incremental improvements in the way we think, view a situation or even treat ourselves will be paramount to living a much healthier and contented life. I am pass the point of feeling down about the horrible deck of cards that life has handed me. Rather, I am going to create my own deck of cards, call the shots and act it out, all in faith. I think we deserve it, truly deserve it.