Crawl, walk, or jog but…

I will open the new year with just saying this, “you matter , you will always matter and do not second-guess yourself”. I pray that everyone that chanced upon this post will be enriched and be at peace with themselves this year of 2021. I have realised something so banal yet so fundamentally crucial of a concept to grasp as I ended 2020. I realised the importance of never stopping. The thing is yes sometimes life may seemingly throw us under the bus, and there are unexpected circumstances that no amount of foreshadowing could prevent and 2020 was an exceptional example with Covid and the amount of political, social as well as economic unrest that has devastated countries and nations grappling with something so foreign and even hard to comprehend in this century. With medical and scientific advancement that have seen a giant leap forward from robotic limbs which has revolutionise prosthetics to the vigorous development of vaccines since the time of Edward Jenner who was basically responsible for eradicating smallpox which used to plague the world for centuries prior, it was a little hard to see modern medicine “freaked the hell out” (for the lack of a better expression).

Granted viruses are probably going to evolve , change and become persistant to eradicate , let alone treat, likewise I think we humans should pretty be much like these viruses. Keep evolving, changing and be firm. Basically, I think we should keep moving, keep learning about ourselves and honing skills, taking on endeavors that we might be passionate about but never found the “right” timing or person to begin it with. We are all a work in progress, regardless of our age and where we are right now in life.With a learner’s attitude, I would like to start seeing the world and all that happens in my life as little lessons that may be bitter work but usually are the best teachers. I remember reading this sentence about a few years ago on a billboard and it read “You lost your home? your friends? your job? your girl? , well great then, you are now at the best stage to be exposed to the greatest of opportunities”. I have learned in 2020 to not hold too tightly to deadlines or ideas but to aim, strive and keep working until I realised them regardless of when I do so or what form they might manifest to. I must admit that I rushed through and didn’t rest the entire 2020, it being my most busiest year since I have entered the earth 25 years ago . It was also the year that I opened myself to the greatest change in the beginning of February of 2020. If I have breath still in my lungs, I want it to count.

I started confronting everything I knew and the people around me. I wasn’t going to wait for anyone or anything. I looked at my health and said I want to eat without worrying about intolerances (I have a profound intolerance to meat but I ate them because they were commonly available). I became a strict vegetarian (no eggs as well) , and my body thanked me for it. I feel light and being a vegetarian made me more grateful to all the fauna and flora around me as it fed me.

I looked at the people in my life and asked myself and even them , just who are they for me because I am really not here for time past. I am someone who will invest in someone, and I do not jump from people to people. I am here for the long-run. It was a bittersweet work because I learned to set boundaries and to say “no” when I really meant a “no”.

Additionally, I rushed out a detailed and strict academic calendar and it worked (almost) but it is fine. Not all things can go according to plan. The most important thing I learned is that we can crawl, walk, jog or even run but never ever stop. Adjust the pace, yes, be slow, it is fine, but just keep moving even if sometimes it is an inch a day. We are not competing with anyone but with ourselves.

2020 was a strange year that I can still look back fondly yet at the same time with distaste. It was like an old chinese cough syrup I used to take as a kid that has a sweet taste but a pungent stinging after-feel once you swallow it. An oxymoronic year for me with the greatest of achievements and worst failures all within the span of just 365 days (yeah, I really need a vacation at this point). Even the last few days of that year didn’t spare a harsh lesson or two but I came out unscattered (maybe a little disoriented) but joyful and grateful nonetheless. I did learned to love deeper, be more gentle with my speech and touch and have a lense of empathy into the lives of everyone around me including myself. I have a long way to go and sometimes I might run and there are times where I will be barely able to move an inch a day but it is all good. I know I will keep going and there’s nothing or no one that can stop me.

5 thoughts on “Crawl, walk, or jog but…

  1. I would say the last month of 2020 was the hardest for me as I seemed to take on the problems of the world myself.. Yes, COVID and the election have truly been a humbling lesson to learn from.

    Liked by 1 person

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